


Ride or Die

by Dystopian_Dramaqueen



Category: The Handmaid's Tale (TV), The Handmaid's Tale - Margaret Atwood
Genre: Cannon-ish, Consensual Sex, Corporal Punishment, F/M, Fred Dies, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Torture, Justice, Makeup Sex, Nick takes Fred Down, Rebellion, Revenge, mayday
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-16
Updated: 2019-06-07
Packaged: 2019-06-11 03:53:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 10,294
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15306915
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dystopian_Dramaqueen/pseuds/Dystopian_Dramaqueen
Summary: Set immediately after the Season 2 finale. (Diverges from Cannon at that point.)Nick finds out June is hiding at Commander Lawrence's House.They continue their forbidden affair under cover of darkness.They work together to help Mayday.Fred gets what's coming to him.*** Chapter 10 is new ***





	1. What the fuck were you thinking?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The immediate aftermath of Season 2.  
> Nick learns that June is hiding at Commander Lawrence's House.  
> He rushes over to find out why she didn't leave.

**\------------------------------**

****

Nick gets back to his apartment. Breathing hard. Hyper alert. High on adrenaline.

 

He locks his door and grabs an empty duffle bag. Packing the few things he'll need to go underground. A change of clothes. His picture of Joshua. His dad's dog tags. His gun and ammo clip. His copy of 100 Years of Solitude. The book where he'd sketched an image of June in her nightgown on the lawn. The first night he really saw her. The night he fell in love with her. Hair down. Every curve of her body displayed, silhouetted by the search lights and her thin nightgown. _She looked right at me. Through me. Like a challenge. Unafraid. Of me or anyone. So fucking brave._

 

He pulls his mind back to the present. Focusing. Stuffing the book down inside the bag...but he can't fight a smile. He feels... victorious. _June and Holly are safe. Out of the district by now. They're gone._

 

That last thought stings. Grief tries to rise but he pushes it down. Clearing his mind. Continuing around the apartment. Busying himself. Moving his bed to gather the notebooks, radio and documents he'd hidden under the floorboards.

 

 _This was always the plan._ He tells himself. _Get them out. Go underground. Burn Gilead down. Now they can’t hurt June to get to me._ _Now I make it right. All the years of complicity. Now I make them pay._

 

There’s a knock at his door. Nick freezes, hand on his gun. He flicks the safety off. Drawing it, holding it behind him, flat against his lower back. Finger on the trigger.

 

 _Fuck_.  _The Eyes_ _. I thought I had more time._

 

He crosses slowly and unlocks the door, cracking it open. Relieved to see Rita on his doorstep.

 

She waits, quickly growing irritated. After a pause she raises an eyebrow. “...can I come in?”

 

Nick realizes he's blocking the doorway- breathing heavily through the two inch crack in the door. He shakes his head. 

 

“Yeah. Sorry."

 

Rita enters and locks the door behind her. Shaking her head. Not knowing how to tell Nick. Knowing it's the worst possible news she could bring.

 

Nick senses her hesitation. Now he's the one growing impatient. "What’s going on?”

 

Rita sighs. “June didn’t get in the van."

 

Nick shakes his head. Not understanding the words. 

 

"What?...why the fuck not?"

 

Rita shakes her head. “I don't know. She’s still in Gilead.”

 

Nick blinks. Frozen. "...what??!”

 

Nick's mind races. Remembering the last time June returned after an escape. Kneeling by the fireplace. Begging for forgiveness and readmission. Humiliating herself for Fred's sick pleasure. Nick feels panic rising, squeezing his chest. _I can't go through that again. SHE can't go through that again. She can't come back here._

 

"She's not planning on coming back _HERE_ , is she?”

 

Rita shrugs. “I don’t know.I don't know what she's thinking. She’s at a safe house down the street." She hands Nick the address. “Guest house. In the back.”

 

Nick grabs his coat and pushes past Rita. Taking the stairs two at a time. More pissed off with every step. Unable to think of a single reason this would make sense. It can't be her decision. She didn't stay on purpose. He'd worked so hard to get her out. _God damn it, June._ _What the fuck were you thinking?_

 

He'd only been this angry twice before. The day a bully punched Joshua in middle school. Nick made Josh tell him who it was. He found the kid after school. The kid was older and a foot taller than Nick. But he'd knocked him over, held him down, sat on his chest on the playground blacktop, pinned his arms under his legs- and punched his face until they pulled him off. In front of a crowd. No one ever fucked with Josh again. He'd broken a finger, gotten suspended, grounded and punished at home, and had blood under his nails for a week. _But it was worth it. Like th_ _e day dad hit mom._ He pushes down the memory. Focusing on the feeling of his feet on the pavement. On his breath. _It was worth it. Made a difference._

 

He leaves the memories and re-enters the present as he approaches the address on the paper. Nodding thankfully. _Commander Lawrence._ _Thank God._ _Lawrence is Mayday, has been for years. Very high up. Very powerful._

 

Two guardians are positioned in front of Lawrence’s house. Nick doesn't recognize them. He strides up, shows his badge. He outranks them. He asks them to patrol the block for the next hour. Telling them he'll search the property himself. Buying some privacy, knowing voices are going to get raised. He won't be able to mask his feelings.  _I got her out. Why is she still here? Why the fuck didn't she leave?_

 

Nick watches the guardians disappear around the corner, only then heading to the guest house.

 

The guest house door is unlocked. Nick pushes it open. The room is pitch black. But he can see June sitting on the bed watching the door. Illuminated by moonlight. Waiting for him. She jumps up to greet him, crosses the floor quickly- but stops abruptly midway.

 

_I must look as scary as I feel._

 

Nick tries to take a calming breath but it doesn't work. The rage rises. The helplessness. The flood gates open. He keeps his body still. Knowing if he gets too close he might grab her shoulders and shake her. Knowing that wouldn't help anything. Knowing he's not in control. He keeps his body still but is unable to stop the words. 

 

“What the _FUCK_ were you thinking? Why are you still here? Do you have any idea how hard that was to set up? All of those Marthas risked their _lives_ for you! They could _die_ for what they did. How selfish can you be? And where the fuck is Holly???

 

June seizes on the last question first. Because the answer is easy. Clear. “Holly's safe. She’s out of Gilead.”  

 

“What?!”

 

“Holly’s ok! She’s headed north in that van with my friend Emily. Holly's ok.”

 

“OK??!" Nick yells in disbelief. "She’s NOT ok! She’s a two month old without her mother! What’s she gonna eat? There’s no Walmart. No formula. Who’s gonna protect her if we aren’t there?”

 

June looks at Nick with tears in her eyes. _Fuck. She looks like mom. Waiting for dad to calm down._

 

Nick turns and leaves, slamming the guest house door as hard as he can.

 

He sits just outside on the stoop. Hands shaking.

 

He reaches for his cigarettes. Shaking his head, he crushes the pack and stuffs it back in his pocket. _Fuck these things. Now’s as good time as ever to quit._

Nick takes a deep breath. Letting it out slowly. _I said the things. They’re out._ He instantly regrets raising his voice. He takes another few minutes to calm down before heading inside. 

 

June's sitting on the bed. She pats the spot beside her.

 

Nick shakes his head no. 

 

June sighs. "I'm glad you're here. I want to explain. I couldn’t leave Hannah. I know where she is. I’m so close to getting her back. You heard her. Asking me why I didn’t try harder to find her. Those people beat her Nick. Imagine if it was your little girl. What would you do?”

 

Nick swallows the lump in his throat.

 

“Hannah knows how to read. I taught her. She’ll lose a finger if they ever catch her reading. You saw what they did to Serena."

 

Nick nods. 

 

"...and what happens when she falls in love? Like I did....like Eden did... What will they do to her then? How does that story end here?"

 

Nick's eyes clench shut. He rubs his forehead. Feeling sick. Understanding. Knowing he'd have stayed for Holly. Seeing it clearly. 

 

June continues. Seeing the shift in his energy. “My daughter needs me, Nick. I can’t help her if I’m outside Gilead. If I leave, that’s it. She’s stuck here forever. She deserves better than that. Doesn’t she?”

 

She searches Nick's face for understanding. “...and what. I show up on Luke’s doorstep? With YOUR baby but not his? How do you think that conversation goes? Hey Luke. Good to see you. Let’s raise my lover’s baby. I left our baby in Gilead.”

 

June steps toward Nick. She fights to get the next part out in a pained whisper. “...and you. How could I leave you? I suffered many things here. But the thought of life without you- I can’t stand it. And yes. That part _is_ selfish.”

 

She locks eyes with Nick. “That was going to be goodbye _forever_.” 

 

She shakes her head. Tears falling unchecked now. “I’m not giving you up that easily. I’m not going to Canada...spending my days wondering if you’re being tortured. Imagining you... the love of my life...the father of my child...hanging on the wall with a hood on your head. You’re worth fighting for. I’m getting _you_ out too.”

 

Nick shakes his head. Anger gone. So sorry for raising his voice. In awe. Amazed as always June's courage.

 

He steps closer, wanting to take it all back. Comfort her. He leans in to hold her, surprised when she stops him, hand on his chest.

 

"From here on out we do this as a team. No more secrets. No more separation. We win together or lose together. Like Eden and Issac.” She looks at him, fire in her eyes. “I want these bastards to suffer, Nick. I want to burn it all down. I want to hurt them like they’ve hurt me."

 

Nick nods.

 

"You’re an Eye. You told me that. But Mayday too. Right?”

 

Nick smirks. June smiles at his confirmation. “High ranking?” Nick nods and smiles. June nods. “Good. I want in.”

 

Nick pulls June in to him, both hands on her face.

 

They whisper between kisses. “ _I was so fucking mad June”  “You still mad?” “I could never stay mad at you” “I’m so sorry” “Don’t be sorry”“ I couldn’t leave you” “Thank God” “I’m never leaving you again.”_

 

As the adrenaline fades, they hold eachother close. Hearts pounding in the moonlight. In the still darkness of Lawrence's guest house. 

 

Nick prays silent thanks. He hadn't had time to picture a world without her. Now he'll never have to. _Holly’s safe. June did get out. She’s free from the Waterford’s. No longer a slave._

 

Nick smirks. Whispering against her ear: “How about...you organize the Handmaids. They trust you."

 

She smiles up at Nick. “Sign me up.”

 

He tucks her hair behind her ear. "My rebel handmaid commander." Pulling her in for another kiss.

 

 


	2. Making Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> June ties Nick to a chair.  
> To make sure he can withstand interrogation.  
> She is pleased by his performance.

 

They melt into eachother. Apologizing. Lost in their kiss. Bodies perfect together.

 

Someone unzips June's dress and eases it off her shoulders. It falls to the floor. Pooled around her feet. Just like the first time.

 

June pulls back from the kiss and keeps her eyes on Nick's as she strips off her underwear. It couldn't be hotter for him if she was in expensive lingerie. She's better than any fantasy. She's perfect. Just like this.

 

Fully nude, June relieves Nick of his coat and shirt first. Pausing to smile at his toned chest in the moonlight. Eyes straying hungrily over her prize. Noting his quickened breathing.

 

Focusing then on his belt and pants. Unbuckling, loosening, slipping them over his hips and down to join her clothes on the floor. They step out of their clothes. She’s naked. Nick's still wearing his black shorts, which do nothing to conceal his arousal. Fully erect. Straining against the fabric. Aching for her. 

 

She keeps his tie in her hand.

 

Nick waits patiently for June to take the lead like always. After everything she's been through he always cedes control in the bedroom.

 

It's harder than normal tonight. He's seconds from picking her up, throwing her on the bed, pinning her arms over her head and fucking her senseless. He wants that more than anything. He can see it in his mind. June screaming his name. He'd have to cover her mouth. They'd be found for sure. It might be worth it. His mind tortures him with this image. Her head arched back. Loud like she was at the Globe. His mouth capturing her cries.

 

He takes a deep breath and tries to clear his mind. Standing still, awaiting her next move. 

 

June goes to the small kitchen table and drags a chair to the center of the guest house. Turning it toward Nick. She gestures toward the seat.

 

Nick smirks and sits, gaze smoldering on hers. 

 

June walks in front of him. Standing between his legs. She strokes his smooth chest with her fingertips. Running her hands over the ridges of his well defined muscles. Nick responds in kind, placing his hands behind her thighs, running them up slowly to her soft, perfect ass. Squeezing sensuously. Aware that his breathing is far too fast. Train of thought broken when June whispers to him. 

 

“You have to keep it a secret.”

 

“What’s that?” He breathes.

 

“My location.”

 

Nick scoffs. “Obviously.”

 

“...how do I know I can trust you?” She asks playfully.

 

Nick looks up, irritated. “You're kidding, right?” 

 

June shrugs. “If anyone knows where I am it’s you. What if Waterford has you arrested? What if … they _interrogate_ you?”

 

Nick thinks briefly that the word interrogate should never be used in foreplay. Ever. It's not hot. It's a trigger. Fucking terrifying. He'll have to tell her. But not now. It's worth seeing where she's going with this. 

 

June settles her weight on Nick's lap. He groans quietly, sitting upright, lips just an inch from hers. Seconds from taking her to the bed. 

 

He watches with lidded eyes as June reaches down for his wrist. She loops his tie around his wrist, tying a knot around it. Guiding it behind his back. She repeats this with his other wrist and cinches them tight behind his back.

 

Nick raises his eyebrow, nodding. _Tied to the kitchen chair. Never done it like this._

 

June leans to his ear to whisper. “I’m gonna fuck you within an inch of your sanity. I want to see how you hold up under pressure.”

 

Nick's eyes clench shut. He swallows thickly. Blood flooding south at the kink. Smiling despite his best efforts. “You’ll never break me. Do your worst”.

 

June leaves his lap and kneels between his legs. She kisses his thighs softly. Looking up at him. Blue eyes shining mischievously. “Everybody breaks, baby.”

 

Nick's wrists pull involuntarily against the restraint. Having forgotten it was there. He feels the knot with his finger tips. It's loose. Slipknot. Won’t be too hard to get that off later. He tries to ignore the twisting pressure building in his groin.

 

She pulls his shorts down. He lifts his hips so she can free his erection. Shuddering out a gasp, thighs tightening as she plants tiny kisses up and down his length. He bites his lip as he watches her. Finally arching his head back, breath held. _Fuck. So fucking good.Too good. Jesus fucking Christ._ Then in an instant he remembers. They're in Gilead. The night of the fires. Everyone’s looking for her.

 

He pulls at the restraint in earnest, eyes snapping open. Voice stern. “June. Stop. The guards’ll be back any minute.”

 

June stands and straddles Nick's lap. Nodding with faux innocence. “...then we’d better be really quiet.”

 

She watches his face as she lines him up with her entrance and lowers herself onto his erection. Feet on the floor, holding his shoulders for support. She sinks down slowly, relishing his shaky exhale and agonized expression. Once her weight is settled comfortably on his lap again she begins rocking her hips slowly. 

 

Nick shakes his head. Trying to focus. “This isn’t a game.”

 

June smiles playfully. “Yes it is, and I’m winning.”

 

Nick's wrists pull again- aching from lack of blood flow. _So fucking stubborn. So fucking reckless. Par for the fucking course._ He lowers his voice. “Get. OFF. Me.”

 

She smiles. “Get you off? Ok.” She leans in and nuzzles his neck. Lips teasing his skin, hot breath sending jolts of electricity down his spine.

 

They hadn’t made love in months. Since the Boston Globe. Nick knows they're in danger, but he can't fight it anymore. It feels too fucking good. He kisses her hard, moaning into her mouth. They whisper into the darkness with each breath, with each roll of her hips. 

 

June we’re being stupid     Shhh they’ll hear you

We should stop                 Do you want me to stop?                                   

Please don’t stop               I didn’t think so.                      

Oh... my fucking God        Does it feel good baby?

You feel so fucking good  Yeah?

Oh my God                        You like that?

I fucking love you              I love you too baby

 

June rests her forehead against his, breathing as hard as he is. Nick grits his teeth, knowing he won't last much longer. He's a fucking mess. Breathing hard, drenched with sweat. Sweet pressure building in his pelvis. He finds her eyes. 

 

June smiles. Pleased with his desperation. “You did good, baby. I trust you to keep my location secret. Now you get a reward. Tell me what you want.”

 

Nick's breath shudders as he babbles “I want to kiss you. Please let me kiss you."

 

June runs her fingers through his thick hair, grabbing a fistfull and pulling back hard. Making him pull against her to reach her lips. Then letting him have her mouth. Enjoying his desperation. She tilts her hips, taking him deeper inside her, whimpers escaping her. Nick is coming hard. Moaning as quietly as he can but unable to stop the sounds- lost in the waves of blinding pleasure. June's coming too. She presses her mouth to his to stifle her cries. Nick kisses her through her climax. Lost in her.

 

They hold eachother in the darkness. Eyes closed. Panting. 

 

“Holy shit.” “Yeah.” “That was so good.” “We should fight more often.” “Yeah.” “We need to fight like that at least once a week.” 

 

Nick frees his hands and holds her face to kiss her.

 

June pulls away, mouth open in irritation. “Wait you could get out the whole time? I thought you were my prisoner!"

 

Nick smirks. “Not the WHOLE time. I _was_ your prisoner. It was fucking fantastic. You can do that anytime" He kisses her again. "Remind me to show you how to tie a square knot.”

 

June scoffs. “Is that something you learn in eye school?”

 

Nick laughs. “Boyscouts.”

 

June raises an eyebrow. “Maybe...you could tie _me_ up next time.”

 

“Sure thing. You busy tomorrow?”

 

“Let me check my schedule. Oh wait. I do have to topple an evil empire and rescue my daughter."

 

They chuckle. “Same time same place tomorrow?”

 

“If we’re not dead or in prison it’s a date.”

 


	3. A show for Serena

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nick and Rita act shocked at June and Holly's disappearance.

 

 

Nick smiles at June one last time before pulling the door of Lawrence's guest house shut as quietly as he can. 

 

He checks his watch. 4 am. He starts the walk home. Breath leaving clouds in the winter air. It’s pitch dark and freezing cold but somehow he's warm. Full of hope for the first time in years. The street's quiet. The smell of smoke still hangs heavy in the air.

 

Waterford’s house is dark, except for a light from Rita’s apartment. Nick walks to her window and knocks quietly. She pulls her curtain aside to peek out, disappearing to open the door. Nick steps inside and she locks it behind him. Waiting impatiently to hear what he learned. She raises an eyebrow. “You were gone for 6 hours. I’m _assuming_ you found her?”

 

Nick smirks. “Yeah.”

 

Rita rolls her eyes. Wishing Nick knew how to string more than three words together at a time. “Well spit it out. Why didn’t she leave?”

 

“Hannah. Her other daughter. Couldn't leave her behind.”

 

Rita shoots Nick some serious side eye. Words dripping with sarcasm. “... _Right_... It had _nothing_ to do with you.”

 

Nick shrugs, grinning widely at this point. Loving that he doesn't have to hide his relationship with June. “…she wants to join Mayday.”

 

Rita nods. “See? I told you. Badass. We’ve got a mission in a few weeks. She'd be perfect. She knows the right people. Think you can keep her busy until then?”

 

Nick winks. “I can try.” 

 

Rita makes a disgusted face. “Tell her to lay low until we need her. And here- I have something for tomorrow.” She hands him a baggie full of red powder. “Remember. We are totally shocked. Overcome. Devastated that Offred and the baby are gone. You’d better sell it. Your life depends on it. Mine too."

 

 

\-------------------------------------

 

 

The next morning Nick's watch alarm goes off at 9:30 am. He's usually up around 5 to workout, shower and get dressed. House Waterford runs on routine.

 

9:30 am. Serena goes to the kitchen for coffee. Rita tells her she hasn’t seen Nick yet today. That he looked really upset. That she heard him crying. Serena notices that Rita's eyes are puffy and red. This piques Serena’s interest and she goes to check on Nick around 10. He, like Rita, had rubbed his eyes with cayenne powder to make them red and irritated. When Serena knocks, he doesn't answer. Serena lets herself into his apartment. She walks over and sits on his bed, putting her hand on his arm. He sits up and she gasps. “Nick...have you been crying?” He shakes his head, puts his face in his hands, sniffing, wiping his eyes. Which are genuinely on fucking fire. 

 

Serena hugs him, a little too close. It feels wrong. Forced. She rubs his back, rocking him close to her breast. “I know how you feel, Nick. I miss Nichole too." She pulls back, both hands on his face. "Listen, why don't you take the week off, ok? You deserve it. We’ll have someone cover. You need time to grieve the loss of **your** daughter.” She touches his cheek and smiles. Nick swallows the vomit rising in his throat. He nods and lays back down until Serena leaves the apartment. As soon as the door is shut he leaps out of bed, walking quickly to the kitchen sink. He washes his face and puts some ice in a dishrag, pressing it to his eyes with a sigh. _Definitely overdid it with the pepper. But I think I sold it. Bought us all some time._

———————-

 

Later that night he showers. Brushes his teeth. Shaves. Pausing in front of his tiny bathroom mirror. Fixing his hair. Combing it back. Smoothing down the sides. Looking himself over. Shaking his head. Changing shirts. Into a newer one with less wrinkles, more formal looking. Crisper. Cleaner. _Impressions matter. We get so little time alone. Every time could be the last. Gotta talk about birth control tonight. She can't get pregnant again. Too dangerous. We have to be smart._

 

Nick watches as Waterford's bedroom light goes out around 9 pm. At 10 pm he heads down his metal stairs quietly, walking quickly through the darkened backyard- down the street to Lawrence’s guest house. He opens the door, surprised to find it empty. Bed made. June nowhere in sight. He worries briefly until he sees a note on the table. _Is this her handwriting? It's pretty._

 

_Come to the back door. Second floor. 1st door on left._

 

Nick pulls the guest house door shut and looks up at Lawrence's house- seeing June’s silhouette in the window.

 


	4. Romeo and Juliet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nick sneaks over to Lawrence's house to visit June.

 

 

June is acutely aware that her mother would disapprove of this. Sitting on a windowsill. Waiting for her lover in the moonlight. Like a damsel in a romance novel. 

 

 _I know, I know, mom. I'm setting the feminist movement back hundreds of years._ June remembers her mother's rants about the books she had to read for her college lit class. Tristan and Isolde. Romeo and Juliet. "Misogynist bullshit" her mother called them. June sighs. Playing with the thin curtain fabric between her fingers. _I_ _thought they were sweet. Sweet but unrealistic. I didn't think real people stared longingly out their window all night waiting for their boyfriend. But what did I know...look at me now. That all changed when I met Nick. I get it now. I'm hopelessly in love with him. The desperate, obsessive, unrealistic kind of love. There’s no going back. I'm part of something bigger now. Something epic and delicate, rare and beautiful. I'm hollow without him. Whole and complete in his arms. It can’t be helped._

 

June perks up when she sees a shadow moving in the darkened yard below. It’s him. Her heart quickens. She watches as Nick enters Lawrence's guest house, looking for her. He comes out a moment later and looks up at her. A smile crosses his face before he continues to the house.

 

June smiles. _Our affair has always been dangerou_ _s. Forbidden. Just like Romeo and Juliet. Punishable by death. But fear never stopped us. We always returned to each other. And here we are again- risking everything for one more night together._

 

She hears his footsteps on the stairs, stomach twisting in anticipation. She stands and opens the bedroom door just as he reaches the top of the stairs. _My memory never does him justice. He’s so gorgeous. Tall dark and handsome._ She smiles. Chest tight at what she sees.  Nick, breathing deeply from his brisk walk. Cheeks flushed from the cold outside. Eyes locked on hers- heavy with longing. Separation is a powerful aphrodisiac. She wants him so badly it hurts.

 

The door closes, the light goes out.

 

Nick pulls her to him in the darkness. His mouth finds hers. Cheeks and lips cold. Tongue warm. He tastes like peppermint.

 

He slips off his boots, coat and gloves. He picks her up, lays her gently on the bed, settles on top of her. Hips between her legs. Already pressing into her instinctively. Already hard for her.

 

She feels under his shirt. Tracing the hard muscles of his back. His metal belt buckle and dog tag ice cold on her skin.

 

He cradles her head with one hand, the other under her shirt. They breathe deeper and faster with each kiss. Delicious pressure builds. It’s getting heavy really fast.

 

June pulls back. “Hey.”

 

Nick freezes, breathing heavily, eyes searching hers. “Hey”

 

“I can’t get pregnant again.”

 

Nick swallows, nodding. “I know. We’ve gotta be careful.”

 

“Do they even make condoms anymore?”

 

“Not here, no.”

 

“Bummer.”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“It’s the middle of my cycle...“

 

“Ceremony day?"

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Shit.”

 

He bites his lip for just a second. Takes a deep breath. Rolls to his side on the bed next to her. Head propped on his hand. Finger tracing her bellybutton and the edge of her jeans. "Well...Lady's choice. What would you like to do instead of the usual?” Eyebrow raised.

 

June considers this, weighing her options. Thinking back to the sex dice and karma sutra she had in college. Reviewing all the options besides standard missionary. It hits her. She knows exactly what she wants to do. Something she'd never done before.

 

“How about a 69?”

 

Nick's eyes widen in faux disbelief. “Oh my God that’s so illegal. I’m going to report you for even suggesting that.”

 

She hits his shoulder.

 

He smiles. “Never done that before. My experience is pretty limited, believe it or not.”  

 

June hits his shoulder harder. “Gross!!! Don’t say that! You have _NO_ experience!! You’ve never been with anyone but me!”

 

Nick smiles. “You’re right. I forgot. You’re the only one. But that sounds great. How should we start?”

 

“You can start… by taking my clothes off.” June says, standing and turning her back to him. Her body is silhouetted, illuminated by the glow of moonlight through the window. Nick steps close behind her, breathing in the scent of her hair. Breath warm on her neck. 

 

June closes her eyes. Anticipating his touch. Wondering where it'll start. Every nerve standing at attention.

 

She gasps when she feels his hands on her breasts. Circling lightly over her cotton shirt. Warm. Gentle. 

 

They slide down, find the edge of her shirt and peel it off over her head. Another agonizing pause. She feels herself breathing way too hard. The anticipation is electric. His fingers trace up her spine. She shivers, nipples growing achingly hard. He unhooks her bra, guiding the straps off her shoulders, down her arms, letting it drop to the floor. He takes her breasts in his hands again, this time with no barrier between his bare skin and hers. Palms hot. He squeezes again, greedier this time. Breath catching in his throat.

 

Every part of June's body aches for his touch. Nipples. Lips. And worst of all the ache between her legs. Throbbing and sore.

 

Nick steps closer, chest to her back, kissing her shoulder as his hands ghost down quickly to the closure of her pants. Unbuttoning her jeans. He unzips and slides the fabric down off her hips. She steps out and kicks them aside. Her heart beating entirely too fast. So aroused she can barely breathe. So wet for him. Nick presses another kiss to her shoulder before kneeling down and lowering her panties. Slowly. To the floor. June obediently steps out of the last shred of her clothing. Nick tosses them to the side. As he stands, he kisses up her body, hands gently caressing her curves. His restraint is incredible. Hers is in tatters.

 

June spins around suddenly. Desperate for more. Unable to wait any more. She stands on her tiptoes and kisses his mouth frantically. Nick grabs her ass and pulls her to him, kissing her back fiercely. He’s so hard. She can feel it through his pants. 

 

She keeps her mouth on his and rushes to unhook his belt and slide his pants down. He kicks them off quickly, walking her backward to the bed, laying her down and climbing on top. June wraps her legs around his back, pulling him closer. Their hips move as they kiss. June lets her hands wander over his lower back and ass. Still covered in thin cotton shorts. She wants more than anything to pull his underwear down and fuck him. Let him slide inside her, fill her. The need is physically painful. Nick's furrowed brow and heavy breathing tell her he’s aching for it too.

 

Nick rotates and repositions himself. Head toward her feet. June lays back on the bed, excited and nervous. _This is going to be intense._

 

She hears his voice. “You ok?” She realizes her knees are clamped tightly together, to keep her legs from trembling. Nick is kissing between her thighs, gently urging her to open to him. She surrenders all control to him. Taking deep breaths and consciously relaxing her muscles. Nick spreads her legs apart, moving his kisses to her center. June bites her lip and arches her head back into the bed, eyes closed, hands gripping the sheets. _His tongue is so soft. It feels so good I want to cry. He’s too good at this. No experience my ass._

 

June kisses his abs above her. Tongue worshiping the tight skin, the trail of soft black hair above his waist band. His breathing hitches as she strokes and kisses his erection through his underwear. 

 

She slides his underwear down, freeing his stiff manhood and takes the tip of his penis into her mouth. He exhales sharply. Adjusting his weight from elbows to hands. Breathing hard. Concentrating. June slides her lips around him slowly- then takes him in, letting him sink into the moist heat of her mouth. Nick grabs June's hips and buries his mouth in her with increased urgency. Moaning against her skin. Sliding a finger inside her heat, focusing on her clit. Flicking it, sucking it, tormenting it with his mouth. 

 

When June moves her mouth Nick's breathing stops. She knows what he looks like when he sounds like that. She knows his eyes are closed, brow furrowed in a gorgeous wince of ecstasy. June loves seeing him lose it. She wishes she could see his face. _If I can't see you, I'll have to settle for listening. Time to get loud._ She pulls his hips back and forth toward her, thrusting him into her mouth, imitating the sex they want so desperately. Nick's deep voice whispers her name. She feel goosebumps on his legs and back. He moans again, louder this time, sending shivers down her spine. He readjusts his weight. His voice pained. "Slow down. Please. Feels too good. Getting too close.” June smiles victoriously. She's close too. She ignores him and deepens her strokes and speed, kneading his muscular ass. Nick moans loudly and pulls June to his mouth, mirroring her frantic pace. The end is like fireworks. Hot. Loud. Blinding.

 

They linger in the afterglow for several minutes just breathing.

 

He flops down next to her, panting. "Damn."

 

June rolls to her stomach, looking over her shoulder with a pout. "You still need to tie me up. I was looking forward to that."

 

Nick rolls his eyes. "You’re a fiend."

 

June nods suggestively.

 

He smiles back. Loving his filthy, insatiable woman. "Don’t worry. I didn’t forget. I’ve got plans." He winks.

 

Nick stands up to get dressed. Pulling on his pants. "See you next week . We can talk about the Hannah plan, and Rita's got a mission for you."

 

"Next week? Why so long?"

 

"Can't arouse suspicion. And you can't get pregnant." He kisses her cheek and pulls his shirt on.  

 

June shrugs. "I could just swing by planned parenthood. Get an IUD"

 

Nick shakes his head. "I wish."

 

"Aren't there condoms or pills on the black market?"

 

"Pretty sure I'd get executed instantly for even asking."

 

June pouts. He's holding firm. No sex for a week. Boo. "I'll miss you."

 

He comes over and sits on the bed next to her. Kisses her deeply. They linger there in a hug. Not wanting to let go. June sighs into his neck. Breathing in his smell. "Be careful baby." "You too."

 

 

 

 


	5. Fred Knows

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Our lover's secret is discovered.

 

 

It’s freezing. Nick raises the collar of his coat and picks up his pace. The shortcut from Lawrence’s to Waterford’s takes 15 minutes. He cuts across backyards, staying in the shadows. Through the hole in the chain link fence by Waterford’s back gate. He slips through and replaces the latch. _No guards this time of night._ He continues along the far side of Serena’s greenhouse. Round the corner to the garage.  

 

He jogs up the metal stairs to his apartment, breath leaving clouds in the air. _So cold. Bone chilling._ He takes off his gloves- fishing in his pocket for the keys. Instead he finds June’s note from earlier that night. Her pretty handwriting inviting him up to bed. He closes his eyes as the memory floods his senses. Her thighs trembling as he kissed between them. _So soft. So sweet. Best climax of my life. Every time with her is better than the last. And afterwards- her mischievous blue eyes shining- long golden hair spilling down her back. So damn beautiful._ He basks in the warmth of the memory. He opens his eyes, realizing he's still outside on his doorstep. He smiles to himself. _At least I’m not cold anymore._

 

He goes to open the door- but it’s already unlocked. _Gotta be more careful._ He drops the keys on the kitchen counter. Slips his shoes off. Pushes the door shut behind him with a deep yawn. _So tired. Must be past 3am. Need to get to bed. Early morning tomorrow._ He opens the fridge, pouring a glass of water. Flips on the light.

 

His stomach twists. _Something’s wrong._ Out of the corner of his eye- he sees a dark figure in the corner- Waterford. Waiting for him.

 

Adrenaline jolts through him. His eyes dart around the apartment. _Clothes on the floor, bookshelves empty. He’s been through my things. Thank God there's nothing here worth finding._

 

Nick clears his throat. “Commander Waterford. Didn’t expect you so late. You need help with something?”

 

Waterford's beady eyes flick up- reflecting the light like a nocturnal predator.

 

“Where were you, Nick? Awfully late for a walk, isn’t it?”

 

_Shit._

 

“Who were you visiting? Must be someone you care about to keep you out so late. Must be close by if you can reach them on foot.”

 

_He knows it’s June._

 

“I’ve been...troubled…by your aggressive behavior this past week. You laid hands on me in my own home. After everything I’ve done for you.”

 

“That was for your protection, Sir.”

 

“So you said.” Waterford stands and limps toward Nick on his cane. Like the villian he is. Nick can smell decay on his breath as he hisses through chapped lips.  “I don’t believe you. I know you were involved in Offred’s escape. I think the eyes should investigate. Maybe they can twist the truth out of you.”

 

He holds Nick's gaze, letting his words hang in the air.  

 

“Protecting you at Commander McKenzie’s House was a mistake. I should have alerted them to your affair with the handmaid. I should have told them to end you. To make it slow and painful. If I had chosen differently, I might still have my daughter.”

 

 _She’s not your daughter you fucking psycho._ Nick's fists clench involuntarially. _Stay calm. He’s baiting you. Don’t react._

“The question is what to do with you now. You’ve grown too bold. There will be consequences for your actions. I’ll be in touch when I decide what to do with you.”  Waterford limps toward the door. Nick steps aside to let him pass. The door clicks shut. The footsteps recede down the stairs.

 

Nick lets out the breath he was holding. _I should have killed him the night of the fires. Made it look like part of the chaos._   He indulges a brief fantasy montage of slitting Waterford's throat, gutting him like a fish, bashing his face in, taking him to the woods with a hood, shooting and leaving him for the animals in a shallow grave.

 

Nick fills the bathroom sink with water. Washes his face. Gripping the ceramic of the sink until his knuckles are white. Trying to clear his mind. Trying to slow his breathing.

 

The anger passes. The next wave is fear.

 

_Did I lead him to June? No. This would have gone differently if he knew where she was. He hasn’t turned me in. If he hasn’t by now he won’t. He knows I have too much dirt on him. He still doesn’t know I’m an eye. At least that’s something. Time to play that card. He’s gonna go after Rita too. We need to get out of here. It may be too late._

Nick looks up at the mirror. One last deep breath. Mind clear. Just the facts.

 

_Holly's safe. Waterford doesn’t know where June is. I need to get a message to her. Time to end this shit. One way or another._

 

\---------------------------------------------

 

Nick walks straight to Rita's apartment. Her light is out. He checks his watch. Almost 4am. He knocks furiously. _Come on, Rita. Get up._

 

She peeks out her window, opens her door and lets him in.

 

“We don’t have much time. He knows.”

 

“Waterford?”

 

“Yeah. He searched my place. Has he been here yet?”

 

“No.”

 

“Where’s the poison?”

 

“Under my bed.”

 

Nick nods thankfully. Visibly relieved. “Take it to June. Quickly. Have her give the packets to the Handmaids at Loaves and Fishes tomorrow. Tell her I can’t see her again. Waterford knows she’s nearby. Tell her to stay clear of here. He’ll be looking for her. Her transport leaves in 1 week. Hannah should be there. Tell her to go with or without me.”

 

Rita furrows her brow. Like she knows that'll be an impossibly hard conversation. Nick grabs her hands. “You have to convince her. She has to go this time. It’s too dangerous. There's no other way. Go. I’ll cover for you if Waterford comes before you’re back.”

 

Rita takes it all in. Nods. Takes the duffle bag from under her bed. Stuffs in one of her clean uniforms. Pulls the door shut quietly behind her.

 

\----------------------------------------------------

An hour passes. The sky grows pink outside the window. Rita returns and they head to the kitchen. Nick helps her make the coffee. She prepares breakfast like usual.

 

They discuss their options in whispered voices.

 

1\. Leave now in Waterford’s car. He'd hear it start. Even if they got it out of the driveway in neutral, the GPS tracker would lead them right to us.

 

2\. Leave now on foot. Impossible. He has guardians posted at every gate from dawn onward. They'd report them for sure. 

 

3\. Kill Waterford now. Nick's preferred plan, but it would only buy them a few hours. Waterford has a meeting at noon. He’d be missed. The house would be swarming with guardians by nightfall.

 

Mayday’s banking everything on the mass poisoning. If successful- it will kill hundreds of commanders, effectively decapitating the government of Gilead.

 

Nick and Rita conclude that they can’t risk capture. They know too much. If they're captured the whole mission could fall through. _Everybody breaks. We’re no different. The only way to avoid confessing is to avoid being interrogated._ They need to stay out of custody at all costs. Just a few more days. And that means playing Waterford’s games. Placating him just a little longer. Giving him whatever he wants. So he doesn’t have a reason to turn them in.  

 

Rita elbows Nick. They fall silent and look up as Serena comes into the kitchen. _She’s never up this early. Bad sign. She’s definitely been crying._

 

“Blessed day, Mrs. Waterford.”

 

“Blessed day, Rita, Nick. Fred wants you both in his office. Now.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Showrunner Bruce Miller said Nick would face “repercussions” for his actions in the finale. I think Fred is too much of a chicken shit to turn him in to the authorities. He knows Nick could divulge all of his secrets. I worry he would try to handle Nick in house like he did with Serena and June. And as much as I always want Nick to just kill Waterford- it’s not that simple for him either. I think season 3 will start off very tense for that reason.


	6. Marching Orders

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rita delivers the poison to June and gives her instructions for the Mayday mission.

 

 

June lays awake, staring at the ceiling. Sleep nowhere in sight. She hasn't slept right since the Red Center. She sometimes wonders if that will ever get better. She feels marginally safer here at Commander Lawrence’s house. _But it’s still Gilead. No one's ever really safe here._

 

She hears the front door open and close, followed by hurried footsteps on the stairs.

 

June glances at the window. It’s still dark out. She throws back the covers, grabbing the knife she smuggled from the kitchen. Backing herself up to the wall, knife held in front her. Sliding down to the floor, back to the corner. Trying to make herself as small as possible. _I’m not going back. If it's the Eyes I'll kill them or die trying._

 

The door creaks open slowly. Someone whispers her name. “June?” She doesn’t answer- not even daring to breathe.

 

The door opens further, and she sees Rita's silhouette. June allows herself a deep exhale before dropping the knife and running into Rita's arms. Pulling back from the hug, she whispers “What’s going on?”

 

They sit on the bed. “You want to help the resistance?” June nods. “I do.” 

 

Rita hands her a duffle bag. “Then listen carefully. Mayday has spent the last year obtaining a supply of Ricin. Do you know what that is?” June shakes her head. “It’s an odorless, tasteless poison. Lethal in small amounts. We have enough to take out the entire government of Gilead. But we need to get it to the Martha's. This bag contains the packets. Each packet of poison is disguised as a packet of herbs. Like the ones at Loaves and Fishes. They're marked as coriander. We haven’t had coriander in ages- it’s usually for Indian dishes. Wouldn’t be used in traditional Gilead cooking. The Martha's already know to expect it. We need you to get these packets to the handmaids at Loaves and Fishes. Tomorrow. During your usual shopping time-3pm. You know the girls. Tell the ones you trust. Don't let them make a scene. The entire plan depends on this distribution going smoothly. There's a spare Martha uniform in the bag.”

 

Rita stops talking, searching June's face. “Can you do it?”

 

June nods. "I think so."

 

"You’d better. This is all we have. If you get arrested, it would be best if you took a dose of the poison. What I just told you could have all of the Martha's in Gilead killed. Hundreds of people. They all have the same instructions.”

 

June feels sick. Terrified.

 

Rita turns to leave. June grabs her arm. “What about Nick?”

 

Rita sighs and rolls her eyes. “Waterford knows. That he’s been seeing you. Nick can’t come here anymore. It would lead Waterford straight to you. You can’t under any circumstances go near the Waterford house. Do you understand? All of the guards are looking for you.”

 

June looks at the floor. Rita grabs her chin and pulls her face up. Making sure she's listening.

 

“It’s not a game. You and Nick- you’ve had more love than most people get in a lifetime. This next few days is not about you or him. It’s bigger than all of us. Your transport out of Gilead is coming on Wednesday. Just before dawn. He said to go with or without him.”

 

June starts shaking her head. Rita tightens her fingers on June's jaw. “Your daughter, Hannah will be there. Get out of Gilead. Find your other baby. Keep yourself and your children safe. That is what Nick would want. If you try to contact him, or if you don’t take that transport, you’re both dead. They’ll kill you in front of each other. It could be worse than Eden and Issac. Do you understand? This is not about you or what you want.”

 

June nods. Rita nods. “I have to go. 3 o’clock. Loaves and Fishes. Don’t be late. We’re counting on you.”

 

She smiles. Go in grace June Osborne.

 


	7. Repercussions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nick faces the consequences of his decision to oppose Fred. It mirrors a trauma from his childhood. 
> 
> His plans for Fred will have to wait.

 

 

 _Nick was 12. Josh was sleeping over at a friend’s house. Nick woke to the sound of his mother's screams. First anger. Then fear._ _He knew his dad must be home._ _He’d gotten more violent after each bender. He’d been gone for weeks that time._ _Nick ran downstairs. His father was holding his mother down on the couch. She had a bloody nose. Her dress was pushed up around her waist. Nick shoved him off of her, told her to go. She ran upstairs crying and locked her bedroom door. Nick said if he had to fight someone he should fight him. He got a few good punches in. Broke his father's nose. Not scared at all. Just angry. It helped. The anger. He focused on that instead of the pain. His dad beat the shit out of him. Broke three ribs. But it was worth it knowing his mom was safe. She’d locked her bedroom door and called the police. Nick was out of school for a week. Josh stayed out too. Helped him get dressed, brought food up. Their mom got sole custody and a restraining order after that. Their dad never laid hands on any of them again. It helped. Made a difference._

 

_\--------_

 

Nick has both elbows propped on his kitchen table. If he sits perfectly still it’s not that bad. Just low grade throbbing. He can almost forget what happened.

 

He hears footsteps on the stairs. Followed by a quiet knock on his door. Without thinking he turns to see who it is. White hot searing pain rips through his back.

 

“Nick? Can I come in?”

 

Serena. The last person he wants to see. After a brief pause she lets herself in. Sits down. Silent. Like she’s waiting for him to speak first.

 

“Nick... I’m so sorry.”

 

He shakes his head. “Don’t.”

 

“I tried to stop him.” She starts crying quietly.

 

 _You have a short fucking memory._ A few minutes pass. He realizes she’s not going to leave until he says something.

 

“I’m ok.”

 

“Is there anything I can do? To help?”

 

Nick says nothing.

 

“I’ll send Rita up. With supplies. I’m so sorry, Nick.”

 

_Fuck you Serena._

 

She lets herself out. Her steps recede down the stairs. Nick takes a deep breath. _At least I’m not in jail. At least June and Holly are ok. Could be so much worse._

 

\-----------------

 

_Nick, Rita and Serena stood assembled in Waterford's office. He told them he was willing to show them mercy. Not report their involvement in Offred and Nichole’s abduction. If they confessed. Admitted their wrongs and accepted punishment. He promised to cleanse them from unrighteousness._

 

_Waterford_ _read some scripture from his bookmarked bible. He closed it and returned it to his bookshelf. Pulling a wooden chair in front of his desk. “Rita. You first.” He gestured her forward. Told Serena to get Rita in position- bare her back. Bind her hands._

 

_Nick stepped forward, pushing Rita behind him. Running his options one last time. Knowing he could kill him. Right now. No better time than this. Rita and Serena wouldn’t stop him. It’s so tempting._

 

_But Nick forces himself to think a few moves ahead. What would happen next. Waterford wouldn’t show for his meeting. Even if he called him in sick, protocol is for someone to come check on him. Waterford would be reported missing at noon. The government would go on high alert. No shopping this afternoon. No poison distribution at the market. Mayday’s plan would be stopped. He and Rita would die in jail. Gilead would win._

 

_Nick speaks then. “Commander Waterford. Rita had nothing to do with the abduction. I’m the one you want. I’ll confess if you hold her blameless and let her leave.”_

 

_Waterford's eyes shine with twisted pleasure, nodding agreement. Rita squeezes Nick's hand and leaves the study. Waterford gestures to the wooden chair he’d placed in front of his desk. Nick removes his shirt and hands it to Serena. He sits backwards on the wooden chair, passing his wrists between the bars of the chair back. Serena secures them together on the other side with a zip tie._

 

_Nick takes a breath to center his mind. I’ve done this before. Time passes. The punishment will end. The key is to find a focal point. Something to focus on. Return to it over and over. He focuses his gaze on a knot in the wood grain of the chair. A swirl. Right in the middle. Like an ocean wave._

 

_He hears Waterford’s voice behind him. “The first 50 are Rita’s. The second half are yours. Unless you want to tell me where Offred is. That would be a different conversation. No, Serena. Stay. I want you to watch.”_

_\--------------------------_

 

Nick rolls his cuffs up. It’s like ripping a scab off. _Jesus. Wrists look bad. Fucking zip tie. Didn’t realize I was pulling back that hard._ He hears another knock at his door. Rita. She sits down next to him.

 

Rita puts her hand on Nick's thigh. “Thank you. For what you did.”

 

Nick nods.

 

“Can’t sleep?”

 

He shakes his head. “Wish I could. Can’t lay down.”

 

Rita nods.

 

“It bought us time. The other Marthas will get the packets this afternoon. I have mine. I can make Fred’s favorite meal tomorrow. Unless you have other plans for for him.”

 

Nick smiles. _Why yes. Yes I do._

 

She smiles at his improved mood. “I figured you needed something to think about the next few days while you’re healing up.” She sighs and shakes her head. “We should get started. Waiting won’t make this any easier. Need to clean you up. Don’t want it to get infected.”

 

Rita places her supplies on the table in front of Nick.

 

Bottle of whiskey. Glass. Rubbing alcohol. Rags. Scissors. Bandages. Ointment. Needle. Thread. Lighter. She cuts along the seams of his shirt. Up the sides, up the arms. Separating the front from the back. Peels the blood soaked fabric away. It feels like all the skin of his back goes with it. He hisses out a breath between clenched teeth. 

 

Rita examines his back, holding her breath. She pours him a big glass of whiskey. “Drink this. You can keep the bottle, might help you sleep later.” Douses another rag with the rubbing alcohol. “I’m so sorry, Nick. This is gonna hurt.”

 

 


	8. Distribution

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> June completes her mission for Mayday

 

 

June keeps her head down, face to the ground as much as possible. She jumps when static blasts from a guardian's walkie talkie behind her. She blows out a slow breath, trying to slow her racing heart. She's glad for once that women are invisible.

 

She decides to start with Alma, stepping up beside her. June places the corriander packet in Alma's shopping basket. “Blessed be the fruit. Give this to your Martha.”

 

Alma looks over, recognizing June. She smiles and whispers “Mayday?” June nods back, smiling. Alma whispers “I’ll tell the others.” 

 

June is pleased. She knew Alma would keep her shit together. June waits a few minutes. Filling her basket with fruit. Watching Alma make the rounds. Watching white bonnets bob up as the Handmaids peek at June, before lowering their heads again.  

 

June repeats her brief exchange with each handmaid.

 

_This just might work._

 


	9. Karma

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fred gets what he deserves.

 

 

Nick watches from across the street as June leaves Loaves and Fishes.

 

Watching until she turns the corner out of view. He moves his eyes to each of the guardians. All following their assigned handmaids home. No one follows June. 

 

Nick snaps the holster shut and takes his hand off his gun. He lights a cigarette. Allowing the familiar nicotine to calm his nerves. _So much for quitting._ After a few more drags, he drops it and stamps it out. _She should be home by now._

 

\-------------------

 

Nick stops outside the Consular of Divine Law. _This must have been a bank before. Old architecture. Columns. Formal._ It's the second time he's been there. The second report he's submitted.

 

He heads to the back of the building. Just like last time. Knocks on the open door.

 

His friend looks up with a smile. “Nick! Long time no see, how’s it goin’?”  

 

“Been better, Dan. You?”

 

“Pretty good. What brings you in?”

 

Nick closes the door behind him. “Need to file a report. Hoping you can verify tonight and pick him up tomorrow. He’ll be home all day.” 

 

Nick places a folder on the desk.

 

Dan opens it and looks at the name. Raises an eyebrow. “Fred Waterford? You sure about this?”

 

Nick nods. “Thanks Dan.”

 

His friend closes the folder, nodding. “No problem, Nick. See you around.”

 

\---------------------------------------

Nick pauses outside Waterford’s office door. Closing his eyes. Thinking of June’s beautiful face- bruised. Burned. Serena's handprints, cuts from her fingernails around both wrists. He thinks of her giving birth alone. Screaming as her infant was torn from her arms. He can hear Holly crying for her mother from Waterford’s arms. 

 

He opens his eyes and walks into Waterford's office without knocking. Leaving the door open. He sits in the leather chair by the fireplace, putting his boots up on the coffee table.

 

Waterford glances over his glasses. “Can I help you, Nick?”

 

Tires squeal down the street, pulling into the driveway. _Right on time._

 

Fred hears it. Puts down the folder he was holding. Looks back at Nick. Stands, pulls the curtain aside. Turns. Visibly pale. “What is this?”

 

Nick can't suppress his smirk. “I invited some friends over. Hope that’s ok. They want to ask you some questions. I’ve had concerns about your behavior over the last year. You’ve gotten too aggressive. I worried you’d lie about me to save your own skin, so I took the liberty of informing on you first.”

 

Four Eyes enter Waterford's office and cuff his hands behind his back. “Fred Waterford, you have been stripped of your command and charged with apostasy and treason. You have committed the crimes of rape, adultery, fornication, possession of contraband, and conspiracy to undermine our divine republic. The evidence submitted by the eyes is overwhelming.”

 

Fred looks at Nick, who winks. Fred struggles. They taze him and pull a hood over his head.

_\----------------------------------------_

 

 _This must have been a police station before_. Nick thinks. _Like those old TV cop dramas._ He looks through the one way mirror- at Waterford, hands cuffed behind his back, ankles cuffed to the metal chair. Nick chats with Dan as he finishes the paperwork.

 

“You wanna hang around? Watch for awhile?”

 

Nick shakes his head. “Nah. Thanks. Not my thing. But I need to talk to him for a sec before you get started.”

 

“Be my guest.”

 

Nick opens the metal door. Sits on the table next to Fred, who strains against his handcuffs.

 

Nick feels sick. Hating the whole thing. Not wishing unnecessary suffering on anyone. This is the second time he'd turned anyone in. Cushing was life or death. This is different. This is revenge. It’s cruel. But it’s what Fred deserves. _This is bigger than me._ Nick closes his eyes and thinks of the previous Offred hanging from the ceiling. She choose death over another day with this sadist. He thinks of Eden’s tiny body struggling for air in the pool. And he allows the image he spends most of his time trying to block out. He imagines Fred raping June. He imagines her struggling. Screaming. Crying. He hears June’s voice. “They don’t rape you, do they?” “You have to fuck someone you don’t want to? Poor thing.” “I want the bastards to suffer, Nick. I want to hurt them like they've hurt me.” Nick takes a deep breath and opens his eyes.

 

He pulls the hood off. Fred has a black cloth gag in his mouth. His face flips from terror to rage to confusion.

 

Nick lights a cigarette, taking and holding a deep drag. Finally speaking as he blows it out.

 

“If we confess our sins, God is righteous and just to forgive us. I do believe that.

 

But the Eyes- have already made their judgement. Nothing you say will change what happens here today. They have reviewed evidence I collected. Photos, receipts documenting your crimes. Nothing fabricated.  You will suffer justice at your own hand. You wrote the laws outlawing these actions. You dreamed up the archaic punishments with Pryce. I was there. This is what you wanted, Fred. This is what you made. This is your karma. I just wanted to give you that thought as a focal point. Makes it easier to have something to focus on." Nick stamps out the cigarette.

 

Goodbye, Fred. This is for June.”

 


	10. Execution

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nick oversees Fred's execution.

 

Nick returns to the Consular of Devine Law three days later to follow up on the report he filed. 

 

Knocking on the open office door at the back of the building.

 

"Hey, Nick."

 

"Dan."

 

His friend knows why he's there, sorting through the pile on the desk, handing Nick a sealed envelope. Nick hesitates. "Everything check out?"

 

Dan nods. "Full confession." 

 

Nick nods.

 

Dan seems surprised that Nick won't open the envelope. "Don’t you want the details?"

 

Nick shakes his head. Shuddering inwardly to think of what he's holding. The record of someone's torture. The reports are always the same. It always ends the same. Full confessions. "Nah. Thanks. I believe you."

 

Dan shrugs. "It’s your case. Have any thoughts on how you want it done?"

 

Nick smirks. _Yes. Yes I do._ "Salvagings still on Fridays?"

 

Dan nods. "Yup."

 

"Let’s hang him. I want the Handmaids to see that their safety matters."

 

"You got it. Wanna escort him to the fairground?"

 

Nick nods. "I’ll be there." 

 

——————---------

 

It's freezing outside. Nick stands beside Waterford on the stage. Waterford looks like shit. Nose broken. Gaunt. Pale.

 

Nick takes no joy in seeing anyone like this. Human suffering makes him sick.

 

But this fucker deserves it. He closes his eyes. Thinking again of June. Bleeding. Bruised. Raped. Using her as a focal point. This is the man that hurt her. This is the man who stole their child. This is justice. It isn’t pretty but it’s something. This is for June. 

 

Nick opens his eyes and glances at the front row of handmaids. Kneeling on their red cushions. June glances up at him. Almost like she can feel him. Nick nods. Invisible to all but her. He’d sent word. He knew she’d want to see this.

 

The Aunt begins reading the charges.

 

"...this man has been convicted of raping handmaids outside the ceremony. One took her life. One was 9 months pregnant."  A gasp goes up from the women, followed by angry murmuring.

 

Nick glances again at june. She looks peaceful. She doesn’t seem to be having any doubts.

 

"...as punishment for his crimes he will be hanged from the neck until dead."

 

June bows her head. The sea of bonnets follow her lead.

 

A chant goes up in unison. Quiet at first then louder.

 

"Particulate. Particulate. Please let us particulate."

 

Nick nods. June must have talked to the others. They're organized. Smart. Voices in unison. Humble. Inoffensive.

 

The aunt considers their request. She turns from the microphone and looks to Nick. The ranking guardian. The disciplinary officer. Nick nods.

 

"...change of plan girls. I have been notified that the sentence has changed. Particiulation. Form a circle."

 

A frenzy rises. Nick had never seen this up close before. It's terrifying. He sees the women's eyes glazing over. Their rage palpable. Mob mentality. Animal violence. Vengeance.

 

Nick escorts Waterford to the circle. A terrifying place to be. He’d had so many nightmares. It looked just like this. But they’re looking at Fred. Not him. Nick speaks quietly so only Waterford can hear him. "Her name was june. Our baby's name was Holly. The one before her was Sarah. I hope it’s slow and painful. Remember, these are your laws. Your crimes. This is what you deserve. See you in hell."

 

Nick leaves the circle. 

 

The whistle sounds.

 

He hears screams, and just like that, the weight he’d carried for so many years lifts from his shoulders.

 


End file.
